Tories World

08:34 pm - ages

Well,

one of my uni friends has an LJ here and so decided to come investigate again.

Its been ages, and they have done some changes....so I guess I'll stick around!

I'm at uni now, and its currently my half term.

I have an interview next week too. eek!

xxx

10:18 pm - wow

Look, I am writing!!!

Its been a while, but I am back!!

More later

Torie xxx

04:13 pm - Double Whammy

My lovely Bloop is down.

So, I turn on the radio, and have the comfort of Busted until it comes back.

Oh how lovely *rolls eyes*

someone pass me a drink.

please.

i beg you.

its that bad, I am no longer using capitals.

03:19 pm

KAHObfqiohfqponkishfpaqnfkjeshpajfklbaeofj

THEY HAVE BLOCKED BLOOP AT COLLEGE.

MEH.

I HATE COLLEGE.

LETS GIVE UP.

06:28 pm - tralalalalalaaaaaa

Im bored.

Nothing much been going on recently.

Was gonna go out tonight but no-one to go back on the train with and I dont do trains at night by myself. No way.

Erm. Listening to Maroon 5 - Harder to Breathe and Ragdoll.

Cant think of anything else

Torie xx

10:38 pm - hey

I guess its time to update on here.

I have tried to be a good friend to anyone.

I guess I give up on all this online stuff now.

My first ever diary was on Bloopdiary. I don't know why I even bothered.

I said I would never get into all this diary crap but I did.

And then I tried to make friends.

Ok, sometimes I dont talk much (on messengers). I never have. I may not crack jokes all the time. Due to certain things in my past I never will. So no-one wants to know.

Everyone wants me to be myself on here.

But why should I? No-one accepts me for who I am.

I give up trying to be a good friend and a good person to people. Because I try but half the time it doesnt seem like others care as much.

I jump in with two feet instead of being careful and going slow. And then I upset myself.

I dont really know if there is anything for this diary anymore.

I am not really me anymore.

I have changed.

And so I will probably start a new name. One that is relevant to the person who I am now.

And who will have access to it I dont know. I haven't decided really.

The same will probably happen on Bloop.

Torie has gone.

08:27 pm - *yawns*

Im bored!

Heart still aches and I dunno what to do!

Nothing else to say really, have essay to do!

Torie xx

09:02 pm - Ok....

Im writing - so don't all die at once with shock!

I kinda mentioned this in my other diary but my readers are a little bit more select here - in the sense that not many people know me here but the ones that do know me quite well.

So here it goes (Emily if you read this, you know who I mean).....

Ok, there is someone who I have had feelings for, for quite a long time (about April, May of last year).
They thought at one time they had the same feelings as me but it turns out they didnt and for them, we went back to being friends.
I however kept on believing and day dreaming. Only for my heart to be shattered several times when they met new people.
Recently a lot has happened.
In September - there was change to my team at work, in the people who I worked with and some of the general running. As I am only there 9 hrs a week, it was kinda hard to get used to it.
At that same time I had also just started a new College and had to make new friends with new people.
There was also a lot going on at home with my family - regarding my bro - so basically I really had nowhere to go for peace.
Since then I have had more troubles with home and friends (or what I believed to be problems)
See, I am a very paranoid person.
So, as you can imagine I became ill recently and everything at the moment seems like a hard chore to do.
And one thing had to give - and because through all of that I was holding onto the love which I had for someone, which was recently hurt a lot more recently, it happened to be my health that did so.
And I also had to admit that there was a problem somewhere. And I have decided that I need to write about this one.
I am writing down my feelings very soon about this person, but the problem is whether I tell them or not. Should I?
I will write it down anyway, but I need to know if I should tell them or not.
I can't stand the burden of everything anymore.
Can anyone advise me?
Torie xx

p.s - I have just written the 'letter' onto word. Short and to the point hopefully. *sighs*

p.p.s - just to clarify the situation.....

Get to know the REAL you by crash_and_burn
Your Name
You Are A:	Sex-slave
Your Favorite Band/Song	Bright Eyes - Bowl Of Oranges
You Like To Read:	Sheet music
You Firmly Believe In:	Free love
Everyone Thinks You Are:	An easy fuck
You Were Conceived:	In a burning building
You Will Marry:	A nudist
Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

Current Mood: lonely

09:18 am - Ahhh!!

Everyone is updating so much!!!

I must get a move on on here, I will write later!!

Torie xx

08:35 pm - roar!!!!!

hello! :)

I still dont feel well etc. so will probs go to bed soon.

I will read and update sometime soon!

Torie xx

08:10 pm - What??!!

Well, Bloop is back, just no comments :(

Torie xx

06:20 pm - Bleh (part 2)

Ok, still feeling ill.

Still have the feeling that I want to be sick whenever I eat or smell food cooking.

Still have the stinking great headache that I picked up this morning.

Still feel like I can sleep for eternity.

Started thinking about the person who is ignoring me this morning and I realise that it is killing me inside, and that I have to forget. I have been messed around too much, I have done nothing wrong and therefore I shouldn't have to go through this.

I have to work again tomorrow - 9.30 am till whenever - so I will plough through my shift as well as can, and just hope I manage to do enough.

Ok, well thats a little Torie update, I think I am gonna put everything onto away - and go lie down for a bit.

Torie xx

08:42 pm - Bah

Well, Bloop is down, and I am missing it. Its ok having other diaries but when your main one goes down, it really does get hard :(

Its been a rough few days and I am not feeling well again, I have some sort of virus - but I happen to be the only one in over the weekend including Sunday, so an early night is called for in the hope it will make me feel better.

Keep your fingers crossed for me, I really need to be well with school and everything. I can't be dealing with being ill and missing it all the time at the mo :S

I went to bed at 11am today and didnt get up till 5! I then put the dinner on - nan made us some cheesey potatoes so I threw them in the oven and had them with baked beans and onions.

However, whenever I eat I feel sick, so not good.

I think I am going to go for a walk. G'night.

Torie xx

10:21 pm - Evening

Well, its sure been busy for me at the moment.

Is it possible to die of a broken heart? There is someone whom I am now missing seeing as they are ignoring me again. I just cant believe they are doing this.

Nothing since Saturday.

It hurts inside. It feels like someone is ripping my heart out inside. Like someone wants me to suffer all of this pain, because I deserve it.

What have I done do deserve this? What have I done to hurt them? If there was a logical explanation then maybe I would not feel as bad. I just feel numb.

Its like anything that I ever believed about our friendship is actually wrong, that actually there is nothing there.

It feels like I have been kicked in the teeth. I sit here and cry because it hurts so much I really dont know what to do. What do I do? How can you move on when things have just been lost?

I gave a lot to that person, and now I have nothing. They have given me nothing in return apart from agony, and heartbreak.

But I still want them. I still want to be able to know that they are there. I want to know that everything is ok, I want to know that they are still there for me as a friend.

Please.

10:54 pm - Hello.

Thought I should update. lol.

I need more time for here....

08:44 am - blah

Well, yesterday was quite eventful. A lot of things happen but it also made me realise a few things.

When it comes to friendships, it seems sometimes that I care more that others, that I throw myself into relationships head first to make them work, but they dont.

I always feel that because I am so nice, I am seen as a pushover and people feel that if they do this or do that I won't mind.

But I do mind, it does hurt.

Well, I give up trying to be superwoman now. I am going to try and concentrate on me now for a bit. I am not going to change myself or say things that I may not necessarily always believe. I am going to be me.

I guess I am going to scale the internet down for a bit, I have to revise some more I guess. If I can be bothered.

I now have to go.

11:24 am - Shit.

Im just feeling a bit sick at the moment...but yea...im going....i have to revise i guess.....

Current Mood: scared

10:03 pm - :-/

Been a funny day.....I need sleep now.....working tomorrow....

*******ITS TOMORROW*********

Ok, its the evening now, and I guess I should be asleep, but what the hell.

Havent been feeling too good, I found a lump under my armpit the other day so I am a bit worried.

I have a lot of revision to do, but I am not feeling very well, so we will see how that goes, should be interesting.

If you havent read His Dark Materials trilogy, you really should. 'Tis a very good book and I can assure you that you will like it if you enjoy fantasy books.

Ok, Torie gonna go now....bye bye...

Current Mood: blah

11:07 am - ladida

05:14 pm - Boo

Well, I saw joining Livejournal was free, so here I am.

Got nothing to say at the moment. I am at another diary site, but that may be in jeopardy, so I am here as another option.

Gimme time to sort this place out.

Torie xx